Guest Feature: Michael Natrin's Awkward Life

Today is the beginning of guest features!!! Wooooo! I'm going to start with some short ones by my friend Michael. He's pretty cool. He likes to sing about hot dogs and he collects instruments and likes to do lots of nerdy things. He lived with giant hair on my floor freshman year, the floor that was the creators of Nutball and made another RA cry, if that gives you any idea of the awkwardness yet awesomeness that occurred on a regular basis there. His stories are not from that time though, they are more recent. Enjoy!

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مرحبا

This is how you say hello in Arabic. To me it looks like funny squiggles, but I guess that is what our English letters look like to someone unfamiliar with our characters. From August to January, I worked in a leasing office for free rent (aka slavery). Our complex houses a lot of the university's English Language Institute students. This means that when they come to check in and get their housing assignment, they do not speak English. It is hard to sign a lease and go through legal paperwork when two people are not speaking the same language. At times, residents did know some English, which helped a bit. Others knew English very well, but they pretended not to and tried to pull sneaky tricks on the staff to try to get an extra key or to attempt to bargain with us for how much they needed to pay. You had to be very careful and aware of what was happening. They would always come in trying to pick up packages or get checks or sign leases and they would say they were there for their "friend" or their "brother" or their "cousin." Halfway through the conversation, they would completely change their story when you realized they were talking about themselves or they were just trying to be sketchy. Asians. Chinese. Koreans. Colombians. Saudi Arabians. Indians. It is a rough line of work, especially since we were not trained and did not have a proper setup for welcoming people to this (awesome) country. I am not racist, I am merely commenting on the language barrier.

Anyway, I will now tell two awkward stories.

Number one. I had to work on October 29th, which was the day before the biggest and longest exam of my life. It was also right before Halloween. I was very stressed and did not care about costumes or candy. I was typing a maintenance request for a Korean girl who did not know how to flip a breaker back on after plugging a blow dryer ("hot air gun" if it is in an engineering lab) into the same circuit as her fridge. The power setup in the apartments was very strange because they had all been remodeled so much. Anyway, I looked up and a frail looking Saudi in a full-on vampire costume and facial makeup was standing at my desk. His friend was standing right beside him in a ninja suit.

Awkward. 

Then all of a sudden, a girl I have known since I was 10, walked in and stood beside them. She said, "oh hey, it's Michael Natrin." I think she might have had some sort of costume on, but I don't remember as I was mainly just confused about why she had just brought two Saudis into my office in full costume. She was their escort, since she apparently works for the ELI program and they were honors students who get free housing. We took care of their leases and luggage and it was very interesting and awkward. 

Delaware is so small that the chance of me being anywhere and running into someone I know is approximately 92%. The chance of that someone I know ever being with two costumed Saudis - 100%. You have to stop and evaluate what is happening when someone from your childhood walks in and sees how crazy your life is.

Second story. It was hard for me to find one that is appropriate or interesting, mainly because I have a horrible memory. I want to post two stories so that people will think I lead an eventful life though. I suppose I will mention this past New Year's Eve party. First of all, it was awesome. Jefe played at it. He is great. They tried to make me play a song after midnight, but I only know sad songs by heart so I had to be embarrassed and say no. I don't think anyone remembers that though. My awkward story came right after midnight when a girl pulled me out into the garage awkwardly. It was strange and I was scared because it was not my girlfriend. Before I could say anything, she pulled me upstairs into the loft. It was dark and about ten degrees (Fahrenheit). She was more than mildly intoxicated, so I knew that I only had to be concerned about her safety (not falling through the floor) and not about anything happening. I thought she wanted to rape me though. That is the sort of thing that happens after midnight on New Years Eve in dark attics. Anyway, she was just very distraught regarding a recent breakup, so I talked her calm and then hugged her crying-ness for a few minutes and then tried to sneak downstairs in the most non-awkward-looking way. It still looked awkward though.

My life is strange.