Guest Feature: Diana's Awkward Life

Oh Diana. How I love thee. I met Diana the 1st week she was a freshman and tried inviting her to my small group but she had lab during it. Fortunately, she was able to come in the spring as this story kept getting more and more awkward and a lot of us had to help her out through the art of hiding and protecting her. I've had my run-ins with this guy too, and let me tell you, he's an interesting character. Diana is adorable though and a computer science nerd at its finest and representing us girls in her field beautifully! And her passion for Jesus is amazing and to me is a great example on how to grow and deepen our faith as time matures us.
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Pancake Man

I met this guy in my very first semester of college. It was election day, and some group on campus was hosting an event to watch the results come in on the TV in our dorm lounge. Upon entering the room, I headed over to the only person there I recognized: my RA. She was talking to a rather hefty dude with a laptop. They were talking about Computer Science- I was amazed; here was an upperclassmen in my major who knew how to talk! We traded a few quips about math and he seemed like a pretty normal person. Oh how little I knew…

My roommate showed up so I finally had some company and could leave my poor RA and her acquaintance alone. But rather than being bothered by my earlier conversational intrusion, Large dude (that’s his name now) talked to me after the results came in. Being the only Republican in the room, I wanted to be discreet about how I felt about this “monumental occasion” so I merely said I was a little disappointed but not really surprised. Apparently my nerdiness and radical opinions on politics intrigued this guy because he decided we were friends after that point.

The next time I saw the guy was in the dining hall. I’d just gotten back from church and was grabbing brunch with my roommate. Large man stopped by our table with a plate of pizza and asked if he could join us (this is not normal behavior at my school). Being polite passive aggressive people, we obviously said yes and were planning on being friendly, however there was just something creepy about this guy. He would squinch his eyes up, laugh at every sarcastic remark I made, and only addressed his questions to me. Now, I don’t get quickly creeped out whenever anyone expresses the stereotypical signals of liking me, however this was different. This guy was huge (and I’m a 90-lb weakling), he looked about 25 (and slightly homeless), and talked extremely condescendingly towards everyone. Yes, I’m very prejudiced, but either he had creepy motivations, or was way too desperate for intelligent conversation.

I thought that was a one-time awkward experience, because it’s rare to see specific people often on such a large campus, but I saw him again that week. He came to InterVarsity with a mutual acquaintance. It confused one of the staff members when he heard we’d met before, and I felt a little concerned when Large man and I kept getting weird looks from him. After the event, this guy followed me out and asked questions about why I went there, faith stuff etc. I ditched him quickly enough because I had a bike, and common sense enough not to walk alone in the dark with very large men, but that’s when I started to be wary.

I’m telling you that story because it set the trend for the next 5 weeks. I would run into him in the dining hall 2 or 3 times a week, and he would grab pizza and ask to sit with us. I was stealthy and usually spotted him eating a full meal before that, so the logical conclusion I eventually came to was that he would remain in the dining hall until he saw me (or another victim) and then grab pizza and join the table and never leave first. Then I’d see him at Large Group and he would try and stalk me ‘til our paths split. I altered my eating habits to avoid this guy. I legit had people help me stay out of his line of sight while I was in the dining hall.

Anyway, winter was a nice break, but in the Spring when I could finally join a small group, he came to that too. And by that point I’d found out he was president of the atheist student group on campus. And all he would do is argue about how we were wrong, even though the facts were always on our side. Mostly though he’d ask meaning-of-life stuff that no one in the universe knows. I guess we should have been flattered that he thought we’d know, even though he never accepted our explanations for anything.

So then it seemed he toned down on the dining hall stalking, but not the follow-you-straight-out-of-large-group part of it. But then, when I wasn’t as freaked out one day, he joined us again at brunch. After I’d gotten completely stuffed with food, he then invites me to “the Oratory down the street – they serve free pancakes there right now.”  Um, hello, I just ate? Apparently he went there for a second lunch every week. I was able to politely decline, but afterwards one of my enlightened brunch-buddies said he had just asked me out. Come to think of it, I think it happened twice. I’d had it. I mean, seriously, the guy should pay on the first date! But it also creeped me out more.

Soon after, my roommate and I were in the dining hall when Large man asked to join us. I said no. He asked if I was rejecting him.

I grabbed all the courage in the room and replied, “Could you please not sit with us today?”

I think I mortified my roommate but it worked. I had said no to someone!! I don’t think he got the hint to stop the trend though, but at least it was the end of the semester. And it paid off, too;

At the end-of-year party for our small group I received a certificate: the award for being “Most Confrontational”.  I should get that thing framed.