Turning into a Lunatic

This post is 100% true and it may be about me or it may be about someone else. That's all you're getting out of me.

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I am very awkward and uncomfortable when it comes to being really honest in relationships.  So, naturally, I avoid these sorts of situations.  However, every once in a while there arises a time when an uncomfortable conversation needs to be had and it is simply unavoidable.  This is the story of one of those conversations.  Sort of.  Really it’s a story about how the necessity of this particular conversation caused me to have a momentary mental breakdown and turn into a lunatic.  And I am not embellishing here, this all really happened. I actually did this.

Ok, so here is what happened.  I went over to hang out with a friend of mine—yes, a friend of the opposite gender—with the intention of maybe hopefully having a somewhat productive conversation about what the heck is going on between us. You know, one of those “sooooo what are we?” conversations that are awkward, but necessary once a friendship between a guy and a girl gets to a certain point.  Like I said, this is the sort of conversation I avoid like the plague or watching baseball on tv but it’s a conversation that needs to be had and I am attempting to be bolder, more mature, and more honest in my relationships which means asking for clarity.

So having this conversation would be very good. Unfortunately good intentions do not automatically translate to good (or smooth) actions.  I didn’t even have an ounce of courage to bring this up when  I was at his house, so when I left I was slightly disappointed in myself.  I walked all the way out to my car, which was parked on the street, got in, shut the door, and the rest is a blur. 

It was at this moment that something happened.  Someone took over my body and turned me into a crazy person.  It was in this moment of disappointment and frustration at not knowing what is going on in the boy’s head that I did this act of insanity.  I got back out of my car, ran back across his yard (yes I literally ran), and went back into his house.  I didn’t even knock on the door.  I literally ran up his front step and threw open the door.  Then I ran down the stairs to the basement and down his creepy hallway to his room, where I met his closed door which I then pounded on rather loudly.  At least I remembered to knock this time, right?  After waiting for a response from the other side of the door, which is what a sane person would do, I opened the door to his room and said, “hey, I’m back!  Ummm when I get back from this weekend I have to talk to you about something ok?  Ok.  I’m leaving now, bye!”  He looked so confused.  Like some sort of lunatic had just burst through his door…oh wait, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

After that interaction, I literally ran back out of his house, slamming all the doors on my way out, and ran back across his yard where I jumped in my car and said out loud to myself, “I think I might vomit now.”  Then I drove away.  Really!?  A sane person does not do this. If put on trial, I would claim temporary insanity.

It’s been days and I am still slightly mortified that I did this.  So, there ya go.  I have clearly crossed over the line and have completely lost it.  I am a nut.