The New Guy

For some reason, this summer is the season of trying to matchmake Cara Watson. For example, my boss told me that she thought I should meet her 20 yr old brother and proceeded to ramble about how she should try hooking us up because she didn’t like his girlfriend because ‘that girl is too goth for him.’ When I convinced her that it probably wasn’t a good idea to meddle in his life, she agreed and let it go. Or so I thought but then she mentioned that the new guy at work was super cute. [Mental note to all young, single people: when someone you don’t know very well mentions how cute a boy (or girl) is, always watch out. They are trying to instigate something.] My boss wouldn’t drop it until I finally mentioned that yes, the new guy is quite a good looker (think Josh Groban hair with a super hot body AND a brain because, after all, he is a chemical engineer. Also tangent: I'm pretty sure that Croda has a requirement that all their male engineers must be easy on the eyes).

I managed to escape my boss after I finally admitted how cute the new guy is (which prompted a few smug looks from her) and hurried back to my office. Three hours later, Kristina (my boss) comes prancing into my office and told me to go entertain the new guy for an hour because he had nothing to do. And I look at her and said, ‘well, what am I supposed to do? I’m bored here all the time too!’ Her response: ‘I don’t know. Show him the files on our computer or something. Just keep him not bored.’ and then walks away. Sounds fishy, doesn’t it?

In order to get to his office, you have to walk through the purchasing office which consists of pretty much the only women on the site and they like to talk. So awkwardly, I weave in and out of them trying to get to his office only to find that he wasn’t there. I turn around to leave and just forget about this new assignment when my boss just happened to be in the doorway. She ordered me to leave a note for him to come find me. Seriously, she really did.

Me being insanely ADHD, grabbed three of his dry erase markers and wrote, ‘I was ordered to come here and un-bored you for an hour but you aren’t here. But if and when you do get bored, come find me in my office and I’ll attempt to un-bored you.’ Yes. I did write that. I don’t know what possessed me since clearly that is not a very professional note. On top of that, since he had never been to my office before I decided to draw him a map of the building and where his office was (with a ‘You are Here’ star) and where my office was (even though it seriously is just around the corner).

Fifteen minutes later, he shows up in my office grinning and said ‘I got your note….’ Yeaaaa. Let me just say that after leaving notes like that, it is very uncomfortably awkward starting a conversation. But I survived. Barely. I definitely found it hard to entertain him for more than fifteen minutes. But I let him play with Aspen and find all of our files on the servers.

The next day was Friday which means that I do the hazardous waste audit and my team orders lunch together. Go figure I forget that I don’t have cash on me and as I started to say, ‘Go order without me and I’ll just head to Wawa to get something later,’ Mr. New Guy hands the guy a twenty and says that he can cover me until later which naturally makes everyone stare at me waiting for my reaction with eyebrows raised and smug looks on their faces. I’m telling you- the people I work with need more stuff to do because clearly they aren’t busy enough to stop gossiping. And right after he pays, I’m told to go with him and my matchmaking boss to the wastewater unit to give him a tour of how things work and teach him how to do the audit since ‘he and I will be doing the audit together.’ Meh. The entire time my boss keeps giving me funny looks. Sighhh. I really hope he’s taken and declares he’s taken so that everyone will stop trying to give me hints especially since he most likely doesn’t have the Jesus-love going on.

So now life at the office is very awkward because of this idea that is now in everyone’s minds in the SHE department.

Oh right—I already tried to pull the ‘dating other coworkers is against company policy’ and I was told that ‘I was non-union and so was he so it doesn’t matter.’ Great. And Michael tried to get me to invite him out to drinks on Friday night just so I could have another awkward moment. Luckily he went back up to Penn State this weekend. Maybe I will invite him out with us UD cheggers at some point just for kicks and giggles (watch out though boys, he’s a frat guy and a super prep and all the girls will flock to him so be prepared for a deflation of the insanely large egos y'all have).