Waiter Boy

For the record, before I begin, I want to say that I am breaking out the reserves on this one. This happened in the fall of my sophomore year at UD—not recently sorry. But I feel like I must tell this story.

Once upon a time, my foster brother married this girl that my family didn’t know very well- like at all. This girl had a daughter. A nice girl, decently well behaved but at that age that I find annoying. So here my family and I are trying to adjust to the fact that I now have a new niece who isn’t a baby but a 7 year old. It was a little awkward at first, not gonna lie. I do think that over time though, we’ve adjusted nicely and love her to death. But yea… so we knew about her when they got married and life was fine.

Then, one day my dad drives me back to school after spending a weekend at home. We stop at this restaurant, a nice one that old people like in Cecil County called Wesley’s. They serve very good dinners and I was excited for seafood- until we are seated and the waiter comes out.

This guy must have been mid-to-late twenties- maybe the age of my brother or a little older. As he hands us the menus and asks what we want to drink, he stares at me very oddly. In fact, I was quite uncomfortable. And then he left and brings us our drinks and we order.

Of course, my father would order the salad bar and walk away from me leaving me all by myself at the table. As soon as my dad walks over to get his food, the waiter (his name was Blake) is magically by my side kneeling down next to me to talk to me. He asked me if we had ever met before. When I said ‘nope’ he said, ‘Hmmm… I feel like I have met you before. School maybe? Do you come here a lot??’ ‘Nope.’ ‘That’s odd. Oh well.’ And then he walks away because my father was done filling his plate and was coming back to the table. My father of course was completely oblivious to this whole interaction.

Through dinner, Blake STILL kept looking at me funny. As I’m distracted by this awkward waiter (who wasn’t very attractive and kinda balding at a young age), I am informed by my father that not only do I have another step-niece that my new sister-in-law had (before she married my foster brother) BUT apparently there is another step-niece MY OWN AGE!! Needless to say, that was a bomb dropped on me and it took me off-guard and took me a very long time to comprehend and accept this fact. I was very disheveled.

As we get up to leave, I’m still processing how crazy my family is so of course I would have trouble getting my scarf and jacket on because I just learned I had a niece that was my age. My dad wasn’t paying any attention to me (bless his heart, he’s an old man engineer) and started walking out the door leaving me behind in the dining room. All of a sudden, good ‘ole Blake was by my side, hands me a card and says, ‘If you ever want to get together or give me a call, here’s my number.’

Greatttt. I WOULD have a waiter give me his number when I’m eating dinner with my 66 year old FATHER! To all you guys out there: DO NOT DO THAT! If he had turned around then who knows what type of situation would have occurred and how much harassment I would have gotten from my family for the rest of my life.

Also on my mind: all I said was, ‘Thank you’ as meekly as I could and sprinted out of there. I need more advice on how to reject guys or have fun, witty comments. (Maybe I should buy that book The Art of Rejection, bahaha!) My fun, witty comments are only ever thought of for other people’s situations or after the fact. So if any of you girls out there have good comebacks to when awkward guys hand you their number, I’d love to hear them.

Guys- let’s recap because you all always need help. Things to consider:

1-Don’t tell a girl you might have met her but can’t figure it out. It is insulting to the girl if you have met her and you don’t remember her and if you haven’t met her, now that’s just awkward if you can’t play it down (and this guy couldn’t). Or at least be cool about it and don’t stare at a girl the entire time she’s eating with her father.
2- Don’t give a girl your number when she’s eating with her father. That’s just weird.
3- When you work at a restaurant that serves the older generation, look at my face. I know that it is not common when young people don’t go to the bar but to the dining room, but seriously, that’s gross. You serve my grandparents and parents too! I want respect!

That’s all I got. Hopefully this story will tide you over until my next awkward encounter. Otherwise I may have to go back to my old stories again and pick out a good one.

PS- Apparently people didn't realize that coupon boy (last blog entry) was Asian. I'm also told that his race makes the story all that more amusing. Not sure how I feel about that.

Coupons

I thought that I was doing well on the whole not-having-attracted-any-creepy-or-socially-awkward-boys lately. False. My creeper magnet still works.

For those of you who don't know, I have this tendency of attracting very awkward boys or at least making shy boys very awkwardly uncomfortable in my presence (and they don't embrace their awkwardness like they should). No one quite understands this phenomenon and if you have a good explanation outside of pheromones, do tell me (privately, please lol).

On Sunday, I was in church and met this quiet dude with my other guy friend. Quiet dude was new in town and wanted to invite us over to his house for dinner that night because he was new and needed friends.

My guy friend and I decide, 'sure why not' and we go to his house for dinner that evening. The poor boy was very nervous about serving us dinner and kept explaining what everything was and if we didn't like it then it was ok, etc. After dinner, we sit and chillax for a bit and then get up to leave. In which he stops us and asks, "Are you two dating? I hear that it usually is not normal for a guy and girl to just 'hang out' without dating or being interested in them."

Um- what? It took all the will-power I had to not double-over in laughter. First of all, no- I'm definitely not dating him. Second, this is me: I'm always in the friend zone with dudes. C'mon now- that's my rep as Cara the Face. But seriously, I can't decide if I admire this guy's honesty and bluntness (as that honestly does make life so much easier) or if I should tell him that most people don't ask straight up but instead stalk and observe in various ways first so they don't create awkward situations between the couple. Lol.

So yea, I was already amused by this kid. The next evening, I get home from work and receive 3 messages from quiet dude via Facebook. None of them are very relevant to this story but one is very entertaining but I won't embarrass this kid too much on here but it involves a beaver-groundhog beast attacking a car muffler. Anyhoo- as soon as I logged onto facebook, he started chatting me up. Mind you, I was also on the phone with my mother and wasn't paying attention that much. The next thing I realize in my conversation with him I read (while still on the phone) 'If you're interested, I have a coupon for a 2 for 1 lunch or dinner at Matilda's.'

Whoa. Whoa! There are two ways I could interpret this. 1- He has a coupon he's trying to get rid of. 2- He was asking me out. What is the safest way to play down any awkwardness? This way, or so I thought: 'No thanks- I never go to that restaurant so it'll go to waste if you give it to me.' Bahaha- a terrible way to play naive but I did it. I was so proud of myself for totally avoiding any awkward situations because after all it wasn't even in person but via Facebook and I was saving him from embarrassment by pretending it wasn't him trying to ask me out! (Side note: Every person I've talked to has said it was definitely him trying to ask me out.)

His response to my rejection of the coupon was, "Thank you for your honesty."

......

What are some good responses for me to say to that last comment of his? Um, 'You're welcome!' or 'Absolutely!' or 'Anytime!' ?

Yea. I can't think of anything and definitely couldn't at that moment. I don't even remember what I did or how I tried to change the subject back to the pretend beaver and burning mufflers. But I did. And I was trying not to die laughing inside while still talking to my mother or to give anything away to what was going on around me. (She's very old so she wouldn't understand the ways of the world of dating and relationships of this generation.)

Poor guy. I do feel sorry for him. And because of my pity for him and all shy, awkward boys, I am going to start compiling a list to send to all the guys at UD on what not to do to get a girl on a date. One of them includes: Don't use a coupon as a way to get a girl to a restaurant for two reasons. 1- She can interpret that in different ways and pretend it's not a date all too easily and then the whole situation will be awkward. 2- She will think you're cheap. Personally, I am pro-coupons usually. Just not as the way to get the girl to come out with you. But guys, do feel free to use coupons to pay for things. I fully support coupons.

Also- for your entertainment I am also compiling a list for you of all my creepers. Enjoy the mystery if you don't know the stories behind their names but they go by code names to save their humility.

1- Opera boy
2- Bowling boy
3- Composites Boy
4- Coupon Boy
5- Farm Fair/ Wrestling boy
6- Ice Cream boy
7- Frenchman
And... I can't think of the others. But I will. Don't worry.